So I walked a very lonely road, at first I was naive, after the first slip, I'd hoped he'd see how hurt I was and that would be the end of it. I was hopeful and optimistic, and I didn't truly understand addiction. But after a few times my hope began to fade and my naivety smacked me in the face. 

Then a big slip came. My partner was deeply upset and felt all the emotions of shame and guilt that comes with addiction. I felt completely hopeless, and just completely empty, doubts flew around my head poking holes inside me until nothing was left. I was plagued with thoughts of self doubt, was I enough? Will i ever be enough? Does he even find me attractive? Would it help if i looked a particular way? Did he wish I looked that way? If he didn't find me attractive and want me that way why would he stay? Did he only stay because I was accepting of everything? Did he think of me while watching porn? Did he think of porn while being intimate with me? My thoughts spiralled until I finally broke down in tears my self confidence in tatters.

By nature I'm a happy and optimistic person and sometimes to my detriment an empath. So I threw myself into ways I could support him, sadly at a detriment to myself, my logic as an empath was "If i could be as supportive as I can possibly be then surely that will help him stop?" 

Wrong again, my mistake was thinking that just because I'm supportive it doesn't make it any easier for an addict to stop, it's not that simple, and in doing that I caused myself pain, pain at thinking I had to hide my emotions and how it made me feel, and ultimately that was a disservice to him to because how could I support him if I wasn't supporting myself? 

My next step was to focus on learning everything I could about addiction, this truly helped, to gain understanding on what he actually goes through, how he could become addicted, the emotional turmoil it brings, the logic behind it, I understand logic, I like facts. Only then did I come to understand that I could support him and be upset at the same time. That my feelings were valid, they mattered and it's just as important for me to have a voice and feel supported as it is for him. 

When I accepted that, things changed for us, I learnt to communicate my feelings better, he listened and understood and made me feel heard. He encouraged me to find meetings and groups for partners and that is when I discovered how few were actually out there. And so S.O.A.R was born. 

Now I'm not saying we have the perfect relationship and everything smells like roses because that would be a lie. We have ups and downs, and recovery is a long and winding path with sometimes lots of turbulence, but we have learnt to open and honest with eachother and to healthily express how we both feel and above all support eachother. And I was right, there is something special about him, his courage is something i will forever be in awe of. 

(For privacy reasons we have not included names)